Mind and Flesh Read online

  Copyright © 2016 by 8Loki.

  All rights reserved.

  PART 1 – My Mind

  I open my eyes.

  The crash.

  There is blood everywhere.

  My body… is not responsive.

  I don’t feel anything.

  So much blood. Is it mine?

  I close my eyes.

  There are bodies. Naked bodies.

  They are moving and twisting.

  Are these people fucking?

  No they are worms.

  The worms are interweaving. Their slippery bodies are rubbing against each other.

  No they are humans. And there are worms too.

  They are all fucking each other.

  They are secreting a moist mixture over their naked skin.

  It shines and drips all around them.

  I am in a room. There are a chair and a cupboard.

  I am in a park. There are benches. Pedestrians passing by.

  A bird lands close by. It is a kingfisher. Blue and orange.

  The bird looks at me. I don’t move. I don’t want it to be afraid and fly away.

  It looks at me with deep black eyes.

  It doesn’t move anymore, as if fixed in place.

  I am starting to feel uncomfortable.

  The eyes are getting bigger.

  I can’t move back.

  My body feels pulled towards the bigger and bigger black eyes.

  I try to resist. I don’t like this. I don’t want to get closer.

  The eyes are much more enormous and even more intimidating.

  I want to go away. I need to step back, but it pulls me closer and closer.

  I get sucked in.

  I am now in a room. People stare at me.

  I stare back. Their faces are covered.

  I am now running away from the park. There are more birds on the side.

  They are all fixed in position and looking at me as I pass by. I know they will follow.

  I keep running. The park never ends.

  There is a road around the park, but there are many cars.

  The cars drive by too fast. I don’t want to cross.

  I run along the borders of the park. There are so many birds now, I see more blue and orange than green.

  There is someone on the side, a few meters ahead.

  I want to use that human silhouette as an anchor to a familiar and comfortable sight, so I stop by.

  It is a man. He is staring at me.

  But he has no eyes and no face.

  He points at his cat, defecating in the grass.

  I don’t like that.

  He still stares at me.

  I ask him to pick up the shit and put it in the garbage bin.

  He doesn’t answer.

  I ask him again.

  He is not moving.

  I am losing patience. I shout at him.

  Why is he so still? I focus my thoughts on him, as if it would make him comply.

  It is frustrating. My mind hurts.

  I am at home, in front of my computer.

  The bell rings.

  I get up and walk towards the door.

  In am in a room. Empty except for my arm on the floor.

  I pick it up and try to place it back on my body.

  It doesn’t fit, I already have an arm here.

  Is the one attached to my body mine, though?

  I can move it, it must be mine.

  I can also move the one I am holding.

  I shake my own hands.

  Someone bursts into the room.

  It’s a girl whose face I can’t quite make out. She instantly pushes me against the wall.

  I dropped my arm. She picks it up.

  She puts my arm in her bag. There are already many other arms in there.

  All moving and twisting.

  She runs away.

  I am in the park.

  There is one bird. A kingfisher.

  But it doesn’t move. It seems fixed in place and staring at me.

  I get closer to investigate. My instincts and a sense of déjà-vu warn me to remain cautious.

  Why is it looking at me all the time?

  The bird is moving now. In fact, it changes shape.

  There are no feathers anymore, I can see its bare skin.

  It looks like a greasy hand with body hair protruding from some places.

  The hand is attached to a big organic mass, with skin sagging from everywhere.

  There are no eyes but it looks at me.

  It rips itself out of the ground.

  People are applauding.

  I am right in front of them, holding my degree.

  My family and friends are smiling at me.

  I thought I already earned that degree, why am I here again.

  I am in a grocery store.

  I pick up a few carrots to put in my plastic bag.

  I move on to the meat aisle.

  There are dozens of dead bunnies, packed in ice. The sight extends to the end of the store.

  Most of them have their guts wide open and their intestines spread on the ice.

  I didn’t notice at first, but now I see a big rabbit lying on the ice.

  It is not a rabbit, it is a costume.

  The rabbit costume stands up and walks towards me. It carries a large bag.

  I recognize the bag, it is the one full of arms. Inside the costume, that person is the arms thief!

  The bag changes shape as if something was moving and twisting inside.

  I know my arm is in there!

  I give chase and run after the rabbit.

  I am in a bathroom, sitting on the toilets.

  Someone bangs at the door.

  I don’t want them to come in. I ask them to leave.

  They bang again.

  I shout asking to be left alone.

  The banging intensifies. Why can’t I be let in peace?

  As the door is still banging, I notice a white shape at the bottom of the door.

  Through the slit, a paper is pushed onto the floor of the bathroom.

  I stare at the black ink.

  More papers come in.

  The door starts to tremble and distort as the banging gets louder.

  More papers are coming in. I don’t want that.

  I pick up as many papers as I can and fill them in the toilet bowl.

  I pour water to flush the papers.

  Some are still there, but more keep coming. I fill them in the bowl as well.

  The door seems so distorted and loud that I can’t concentrate.

  I try to flush the toilets, but all the papers are clogging the pipe and it won’t flush away.

  Everything seems about to burst, including my head.

  I walk in the park. I see a bird.

  The bird stares at me.

  I don’t want to get closer to that bird. I know that in reality it is an abomination.

  I am on the phone with my mother.

  She is talking about my sister.

  She asks me if I knew that there is something wrong with her.

  I pace in the room, my heart racing. Is she ill?

  I am in a room with no doors and no windows.

  I don’t like to be trapped. I panic.

  I lie down in fetal position. I want out.

  Please, I want out. Let me out.

  I notice that I am naked.

  I am ashamed. I don’t want to go out anymore.

  I am now sure the walls are looking at me.

  I cross my legs as much as possible to hide my genitals.

  The walls are definitively looking at me.

  Perhaps there are cameras behind.

  I don’t want to be here.

  Who is looking at me?

  Why
are they looking at me?

  Kids are sitting around the table.

  The mother is yelling at them.

  They look like they don’t understand.

  None of them wants to eat their soup.

  Mother, I don’t like soup. Please stop yelling.

  I am running in the streets. Chasing the rabbit again.

  I know that in the bag are not arms anymore, but bunnies.

  The bunnies are the kids. I need to help them.

  The rabbit enters a grocery store and goes to the meat stand to put more bunnies in her bag.

  As she grabs the bunnies, they scream.

  She is faster than me. She uses the backdoor exit to leave the grocery store.

  As I exit, I don’t see her anymore.

  I go back to the grocery store.

  They are now selling clothes.

  Pretty mannequins with tasteful clothes are on each side.

  A mannequin puts up a red panel. I guess it must be the sales.

  I get closer to a shelf.

  A herd of gigantic crows come cackling around me.

  They have human-like arms ending in claws.

  They are ripping at the clothes.

  Sometimes they attack each other.

  The clothes contained organs.

  Hearts, livers, lungs.

  Some organs are sprayed around, with blood pouring all over the walls and floors.

  The crows are congregating around a big shelf and feasting over it.

  It is messy. I feel my own organs moving and shaking.

  I am in a nightclub.

  Each blast of the music makes my organs move and dance.

  I start to dance as my organs dance in my belly.

  There is no stopping.

  I am dancing.

  My organs feel the rhythm and react to the vibration.

  I am in a trance.

  There are people around me. Merely shadows.

  My eyes don’t focus on any of them.

  Everything is a blur.

  I still feel my organs.

  I concentrate on their movements. My mind empties.

  I am carried by the sound and the feelings.

  In a trance.

  It soothes me.

  I have no worries.

  I am happy.

  My organs jump in ecstasy.

  Everything remains in that state for a wonderful while.

  But now the shadows get closer.

  The shadows press on me.

  The music distorts.

  I don’t want the shadows this close.

  I don’t see a way out.

  My belly is being sliced open.

  My organs fall on the floor.

  The organs are still dancing, their movement patterns are reflecting the distorted sounds I am hearing.

  I am scared.

  I want my organs.

  I want to be whole again.

  I bend down and start to pick them up.

  I try to insert them back in the cut in my belly.

  The shadows give me a push.

  My organs fall again.

  There is a different shadow in my field of view.

  I look up.

  The rabbit in a costume is dancing.

  I stand up to give chase.

  I notice my organs are still on the floor.

  I am torn between two impulses.

  I can’t decide if I should give chase or pick my organs up.

  I am in shopping mall.

  People are shouting and running.

  What is going on?

  I observe my surroundings.

  It is a clothing shop.

  The mannequins are the only figures that are not moving.

  A woman opens the curtain of a dressing cabin.

  There are already about five people stacked in here.

  The woman tries to fit in as the others are giving her disapproving looks.

  She closes the curtain behind her.

  I can still see the bumps of their stacked bodies peeking against the curtain.

  What is it all about?

  In the main alley, people keep running in the same direction.

  I get out of the shop, in the main alley.

  I look where the people all come from, but there is nothing to see.

  Suddenly i hear several gunshots.

  More screams.

  And then at the end of the alley, I see them.

  Dressed in black, wearing black masks, armed with assault rifles and guns.

  They shoot again.

  Silhouettes close to them fall face down as they were trying to flee, blood sprays on the walls around.

  I know the killers are looking for me.

  I run towards the direction opposite them, where the flow of people was heading to.

  They start shooting again.

  A bullet hits someone a meter from me, another bullet hits the glass panel right at my left.

  I cannot run right in front of them. I jump towards the first open door at the right.

  I slide on the ground and hit a stand, kitchenware falling on the ground around me in a horrible cacophonous concert.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I am in panic. Fuck.

  I see washing machines on display.

  No, the holes are too small for me to fit in.

  I hear footsteps. Gunshots. More screams.

  I need to hide. Fast.

  The ceiling! Usually shopping malls have fake panels covering the ceiling.

  I stand on a washing machine and try to reach for the ceiling. I can indeed see the panels, but they are too high.

  I take the box of a vacuum cleaner and put in on the washing machine.

  I climb back up, jump and try to push back a panel.

  Fuck! I missed.

  I try again.

  Fuck! I only touched it. Fuck!

  I bend my knees and jump again.

  Yes! Fuck yes! I managed to push it back and I can see the metal rails holding the plates together.

  The footsteps are getting closer.

  I want to jump again but… wait, no.

  It was already hard enough to reach the panel, there is no way I can grab the metal railing.

  I get back down and grab two vacuum cleaner boxes to prepare a makeshift ladder.

  I stand on my ladder, I bend my knees.

  The black masked men enter the store, pointing at me and shouting.

  As they raise their weapons, I dive behind the stand.

  Bullets tear down the place, a panel of the wall falls on me.

  I have nowhere else to go.

  I take a fetal position.

  I am so afraid.

  I hear their footsteps.

  I am sitting in a chair.

  There is a large buffet table in front of me, with food everywhere.

  My eyes scan across the table and then contemplate all the various fruits and desserts.

  I will eat a little bit of everything. I raise my arm to pick my first choice.

  Something is wrong.

  When I started looking at the table, there was a basket of carrots on the left. Now it’s gone.

  As I am staring at the empty spot, something else attracts my attention from the corner of my eyes.

  Or more like, the lack of something else I had just seen is starting to worry me.

  Where are the bottles that were right here, on my right?

  And then something else disappears from the corners of my eyes.

  And again. And again!

  The more I look, the fewer elements I see.

  What is happening?

  I hear a noise behind me.

  I turn my head.

  The door is open.

  Was it open or closed before? I don’t know.

  I turn my head back towards the table.

  It is completely empty.

  I am disappointed. I didn’t even take a bite.

  I get up and walk through the door.

 
I am in my lab.

  My two colleagues are looking for my laboratory notebook in the common area.

  No!

  No! They can’t find it.

  I need to protect it.

  I enter my office.

  I thought I had destroyed it, but it’s right here, on my desk.

  My colleagues have seen me enter my office.

  They are converging towards me.

  No! Why did I leave it here?

  No one is supposed to read my research.

  They take it in their hands.

  I grab it and pull it towards me.

  They push me away, I let go of the book and fall on my back.

  They hold my notebook. They are grinning.

  I am in panic.

  I wake up in my bed.

  I contemplate the friendly and warm surroundings.

  I enjoy lying there.

  I grab the pillow and press it strongly against me.

  My wife is not in the bed.

  I wonder where she is.

  I sit down in bed.

  I look around.

  Everything is clean and polished.

  But there is an irregularity on the floor.

  A tiny black dot.

  I get a closer look at that spot.

  And then it moved. A few centimeters towards me.

  I am startled and creeped out.

  It is getting closer.

  Emerging from in between the planks of the wood flooring, more black dots.

  And more. And more. They are swarming from all over the room.

  As they get closer, I see their tiny multiple legs swinging at fast pace.

  Horrified, I realize they are insects.

  A lot.

  Converging towards me.

  I crawl backwards and hit the wall.

  There is no way out.

  They are getting closer.

  I am panicking.

  They are almost at the bed.

  Looking at them disgusts me.

  They are driving me insane.

  Suddenly, I feel an itch on my legs.

  No! Some of them are already on the bed and on my legs!

  I shake my feet in an uncontrollable manner.

  This is sickening.

  It’s too much for me.

  I furiously kick the walls with my legs. Again.

  Again. Again.

  Everything is twisting around my head.

  It hurts.

  On top of the chaos, I hear voices.

  “I can’t read the data.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s so erratic. I have no idea if my input is having any effect.”

  “Figure it out!”

  I am in front of my computer.

  I need to make a breakthrough in my research.

  I am so close, so very close to my objective.

  Wait no. I already did it.